Everything and Nothing
by sandman13
Summary: a nejiten oneshot.. kinda sad/depressing.. it's about how tenten think... and how she hides her feelings and regrets about it later...


Naruto Fiction

Naruto Fiction

Disclaimer: don't own Naruto.wkwkwkwk

a/n: I tried to create a really sad story and it ended up so depressing... and I inserted Tenten as the 'complainer' and Neji as the 'object of complain'. So...it's just a one-shot fic based on real story.. not necessarily my story, that is.

Everything and Nothing

As she grew up and overcomed all of her emotions, Tenten realized that she didn't want to be in love. Love, that feeling... that uneasy, sick feeling that made you wanna scream out loud and jump around like crazy. Tenten knew that it might be fun to jump around and scream your head off, but she needed to be sure that there is some logical reason to do that. Like, when you see a ghost or something. Or when you're happy. Or when you finally decided to kill yourself and end up getting sent to the booby hatch. She wanted a real reason. Especially not because of HIM.

Hyuga Neji is NOT kind, nor helpful, nor anything that's positive. Sure, he's not that bad-looking and he sure attracts a lot of women from hell, but Tenten can't be sure WHY she liked him. No, not that fangirl-type thingy or the fell-in-love-at-the-first-sight thingy as well. It's just this feeling...some sort of uneasy feeling that gets to her everytime. Like a sort of _slow motion_ when she's talking with him, and everything goes off blurry and rather uncontrollable, even though she's already a pretty good liar.

Yeah, liar. That's what she would call herself. A big, fat, dumb liar. She lied a lot, especially about her feelings. She realized that, every single time she lies. She'll deny it if you ask her, but she knew from the bottom of her heart that she always lies. Well, it's not really a lie, more like a mask. A mask and an act to hide who she is on the inside. Like what she's doing right now.

It's a clear day out and Gai's team are having their usual afternoon practice at the training grounds. Tenten does well, as usual. Ignoring her queasy feeling and her hate issue, Tenten greeted everyone the same. Even Lee and his antics. It's not like she's worried of inequality or the loss of her 'secret crush', but she just wanted to feel like she's being very objective and not subjective. She didn't want Neji to feel like he's special whatsoever. Yes, that's true. She didn't want him to feel like crap or feel like he's happy or anything. He'd be better off without knowing, and she's happy just the way they are. There's no reason to feel misjudged or ignored. She's the one who 'plotted' this thing, anyway. Tenten would really hate to overshadow others. So, she made her peace and decided to become a mediator of the crowd, just like every other girl.

The day after, she listened about Neji having a real coverstaion with a girl. No, it's not like they're dating or something, that girl is a big fan of Neji and she seemed to be really into him. Neji's being a cold-hearted bastard as usual, but that's not a problem for anyone. When they were having lunch that day, Tenten couldn't help but to say something stupid.

"Hey Neji, what do you think about that girl?" she asked cheerily. Yes, very cheerily. There's no reason for her to say this differently. I mean, she learned to speak with everyone in the world except her own mind with one very, obvious tone to hide the fact that she's hiding another tone behind. That way she will present no harm. Or hidden meanings.

Neji shrugged, almost ignoring that question. He turned to see her face, and realized very quickly that she's just teasing him. Apparently, that's the desired effect. Even the Byakugan can't get past Tenten's act, and that's the exact feeling Tenten wanted him to get. She wouldn't want to be seen as sad, or just 'making sure that he likes me better than that girl'. No, that would be unethical and hypocritical. She's also not jealous, or 'just wanna know what he thinks'. That's just crap. The only thing she wanted from this kinda conversation is the effect of him thinking that she is only a friend and does no harm whatsoever. Yes, that's the only thing she wanted.

And so it goes for a very long time. Every year, even when they're already 20 or so, it goes all the way the same. The feelings stayed unchanged, and they see each other less and less every year. Tenten wanted to get over it, and she told some friends of hers. (depends on what you would like to call as friends, that is) She told them everything; the unnoticeable attraction and the mask she's always been wearing, and now almost every one of her friend knew. Everyone except Neji himself. But she can't compromise her thoughts... she never even talked to him anymore. She just pretended like he's nonexistent and so is him. It's amazing how far you can go in a few years, isn't it? All things forgiven and forgotten, her lasting heartache and love story seems to only be a memory.

But as far as Tenten could feel and tell to every other person that asks her about how she felt, and is she okay with it, she still stays the same. Unnoticed and unfelt. That goes for a very long time... and after not seeing him for years, she finally thought that this should be the end of her feelings. Not until that day...

Tenten was just coming home from an imprtant mission, feeling tired and weary. All she wanted is just her home, where she could spend her time loafing doing nothing, unlike usual (she trains very hard). Just as she walked, someone caught her eye... none other than Hyuga Neji. Tenten stopped cold when the person she thought she had forgot waved at her.

"Hey Tenten" he said as he passed. "Long time no see."

Tenten paused for a moment. A moment that seemed to be forever. A moment of truth where she realized that she was wrong all of this time. Always wrong. She had always thought that pretending to not like him would make all of this crush thing easier, but no. That's crap. That's bullshit. She realized it now, that by hiding her feelings and lying for all this time, she made her love eternal. Yes, eternal. It's stuck there and it's not a good thing no more. It's like a curse. She is cursed to love this man forever just because she hadn;t admitted her feelings nor showed it to the world for a very long time. She had made a mistake.

Neji narrowed his eyebrows, because his former teammate is pausing; she stopped, but she stopped still. Her eyes suddenly looked... dead. But Tenten collected all that's left from her courage and dignity, and she spoke with a fast smile and a wave.

"Hey there, Neji. Yeah, it's been a long time. Nice meeting you again"

And she left. Left and cursed herself, hated herself with every drop of blood in her body.

That day would remind her of herself, and the stupid mask she kept on wearing for years. Now that it's done and complete, there's no going back. That footprint he left on her heart will last on forever, and that's none of his fault, because Tenten ignored that footprint. She denied that it was ever there, and there it was.

It's not anyone's fault.

Tenten wished that was true, but she kept on running...

and running...

wishing that the past is erasable.

No it's not.

It's going to haunt you forever, just like how his face will haunt her forever...

And ever...

-fin-


End file.
